I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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