We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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