We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
