I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
