My hand turned me down
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
