Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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