The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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