Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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