we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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