Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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