We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
