I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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