Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
