I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
