And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
