Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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