apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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