what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
