names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
