The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
