i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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