Porn is love you can see.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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