OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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