I'm eating all of the evidence.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need moral support for this bender
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
