I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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