I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
