Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
