please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
