every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're too hungover to prance.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
God I need to hump something, right now.
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