Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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