Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
