1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize