Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
