I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
