so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
