Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
