i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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