Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
