just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
