How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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