and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
