o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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