using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
