I look better un-naked...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
