i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dick very happy bro
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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