my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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