he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
