She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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