dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
