apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
