The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
