adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
