you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
