Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
