It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
