no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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