I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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