wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
