Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
