Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
