i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize