The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
