There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
