I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
